So I've been back in town for a couple of days now, but I've been decompressing. You know, unpacking, buying groceries, sleeping, etc. I ate so much salty nasty food when I was away that my toes and fingers were like little sausage casings about to burst until today. YIKES.

The race went really well - my sister, who actually trained this time (prior to this she had run one half marathon, for which the extent of her training was a 4 mile long run and a 10k 8 weeks prior to the event) did a great job and whacked about 9 minutes off her best time. She was back enough in the pack and the race was small enough that her boyfriend and I were both able to ride the course alongside her as she ran, which was very cool. Immediately after the race we went to Buffalo's wedding of the century, and later when we went home we promptly passed out.

Today, I sign up for all of my races. HOORAAAAYYY!!!

Hi! Nothing in my life has seemed worthy of posting about, since it all pales in comparison to meeting Chrissie Wellington. However, life is going on, so....

Last weekend I coerced my family to join me on a northern portion of the North County Trail in Westchester. I had my road bike, Tim had his mountain bike, and Kiernan took my mountain bike with a lot of adjustments to compensate for the fact he's 5'11" and I'm 5'6". (He had 2 bikes stolen in a 4 year period. We just never replaced the second one because he didn't seem to get the whole "lock your bike at all times because you live in the Bronx" thing. We may be approaching the time for another replacement now if he has any interest.) We hit about 16 miles, which was great for a kid who never rides a bike, EVER, and was having serious beginner-butt issues. I won't embarrASS him on the internet about it (see what I did there?) but I went out to buy him some mountain bike shorts the next day, so the next time we do this he'll a) not look like a cyclist, i.e. a dork, i.e. really mortifying, MOM, b) have a more comfortable butt. He saw a deer at one point (I, on the other hand, saw deer road kill on our drive back.) I don't know if the butt thing put him off cycling for life, but the plan was to see if he could maybe handle 20 miles and the three of us would do the Tour de Brooklyn together on June 3. I think we might have scrapped that, but we'll still probably go to Bike Sundays again when I get back from my BIG TRIP.

What BIG TRIP, you ask? On Friday I'm headed to Buffalo, again, for the Buffalo Half Marathon. I won't be running, though, because of the hamstring overtraining incident of May 2012. My leg feels alright, and I could probably run through it, but 13 miles would be stupid and could potentially cause a lot of damage. I haven't been running at all in the interest of healing it up. I will, however, be bringing a bike and attempting to see my sister as many times as possible on the course.

So, I made plans to stay with my sister around the same time that I became (ahem) FUnemployed. Gradually more and more people were added to that "staying with my sister" list until now it's my sister, her roommate, her boyfriend from out of town, and another friend from out of town all on the same weekend in my sister's little 2 bedroom apartment. The oldest one on that list of people is 27. I'm 37 and I generally pass out before 11:00 pm. This should be interesting. Also, immediately after the race, we're going to a wedding. Kill me now. I joke, I joke. This is just a lot of interaction for me; I prefer quiet curmudgeoning to loud social gatherings, and I'm going to be loudly social for something like 4 days, so I'm afraid.

Ha ha ha, I said "curmudgeoning."

Anyway, I'm planning to eat a lot of crap and then be disgusted with myself when I get home, which will propel me into Serious! Training! mode. Did I mention I finally settled on a race schedule? Good God Lemon! I haven't registered for all of this yet, but here it is:

• Long Branch Tri series, short course, races 1 - 3 and War at the Shore (June 16, July 15, Aug. 18, and Sept. 9) This is a series with age group prizes for the best 3 of 4 races. I've never participated in a series before, and this is the same race (I did the July edition) where I won the Athena division last year, so I'm hoping to rock that out. Also, the swim is only 300 meters, so my lack of swimming thus far shouldn't hurt me as much.
• North Fork Century, August 26. There are a lot of distance options here - 25, 50, 72, or 100 miles - and you don't have to commit to any one of them until you start the ride. I'm thinking 50 right now but as the event gets closer I'll see how I feel. This will involve camping and extended beach time, too.
• Maybe - maybe - the Farm Ride, a weekend in Amherst, MA from July 27 - 29. It's really inexpensive and looks really fun. We would head out from NYC on Friday night, do an organized ride on Saturday (again, there are a lot of distance options) go to a party Saturday night, and then have to option of riding again or doing something else (I'm thinking paddling!) on Sunday before coming back. Tim is open to this but has yet to be fully convinced.
• Maybe, maybe a fall marathon. If I commit, it'll likely be either Philadelphia or Hartford. But right now I'm still trying to get my hamstring back in order after it crapped out on me for a 9 mile run, soooo.... let's just say I won't be putting down any registration money for that in the near future.
• Finally, I'll probably throw in a few shorter road races at different points, and maybe even the NYRR sprint tri, on June 30. Or the Smith Point tri on August 5. Sprints are fun, and really, it's what I'm suited for for now (not because of my blazing speed, but because of my stocky, muscular frame that makes me sloooowwww over long distance.)

SUMMER OF DUFFY!!!

The line outside. See that guy? He's famous too.

 Monday night I went to a book signing for A Life Without Limits by Chrissie Wellington. I've never actually been to a signing before and wasn't sure what to expect, and CHRISSIE WELLINGTON IS A GODDESS. So, there's that.

I was running a little late (me late? That's surprising!) and saw a long line on the sidewalk outside, which was about what I expected. President Obama was in town on the same day and the NYPD had shut down a couple of nearby streets, so people passing by wanted to know if the President was appearing at JackRabbit Sports. No, the president of triathlon, maybe! And some other random lady was like, "Oh, is she the one who pushes the guy in the wheelchair?" which was odd, that she would know about the Hoyts, and think that CW was affiliated, but whatever.

Anyway, here's tip #1 if you've never been to a signing: DON'T PRE-ORDER THE BOOK! I say this because the vast majority of people in attendance had pre-ordered and were then directed to a line to pick up their pre-ordered books, whereas those who had not pre-ordered went to the registers, bought the book, and then jumped way ahead in line for the actual signing. FAIRNESS FAIL, JACKRABBIT.

Then Chrissie spoke briefly, to much applause, after which the long line snaked its way toward her and starstruck triathletes with shit-eating-grins left her table while staring at the crappy cell phone pictures they had just taken with Her-Fast-Enduranceness.

I had noticed a guy in line in front of me outside, and then later inside, because he looked familiar for some reason. He was carrying a tote bag from Memorial Sloan-Kettering and I wondered if I'd met him somewhere? Through work? And then I realized that he was one of the brothers from  A Race Like No Other, Richard Bakst, who ran the New York City Marathon in 2008 with his brother, Harrie, who had just recovered from salivary gland cancer. I recognized him from the photos in the book but also from the Sloan Kettering ad campaign that included a shot of him and his brother. I considered taking a photo of him and the very-pregnant lady who appeared to be his wife, but that would have been creepy, so instead I just asked my line-buddy if she'd read that book. She hadn't. (That shot up above was a coincidence, taken before I'd recognized him.) Here's more about them.

That's Chrissie, waaay back there.

On twitter, I described the experience as kind of like that scene in A Christmas Story when Ralphie waits in line to see Santa Clause. We waited and waited and got kind of nervous as we drew closer and saw the end goal, and then when it came there were a few seconds of "Durp... durp... stutter... durp" before it was over and Chrissie must have been thinking to herself that she was grateful for the store security.

Closer...

 

 When it was my turn, I durped my best durps and felt like a giant ungainly monster next to Chrissie. It went by in a flash. I remember she asked me if I was doing any racing this year, and I blurted out "... uh, only a couple of sprints..." and she ever-so-graciously answered that she had retired from sprints because they hurt too much. And that was it.

Durp. Also, what's up with my hair?

 

Then I walked away with a shit-eating-grin, like all the other triathletes, staring at my crappy cell phone photos of Chrissie Wellington and me. And wishing I'd thought of something cooler to say.

I finished the book last night. If you're a Chrissie fan, it's pretty much a must read. If you're not exactly, or maybe just a runner who's not so into this whole triathlon thing, it's still worth a shot if only to note what a badass she is. One of her first endurance events, as a hobby-jogger, was the London Marathon. Which she smashed with a 3:08. After that, she joined a running club. What?! Anyway, I've now met the baddest female triathlete of the modern age. Feel free to come by and look at the spot where she touched my shoulder.

Photo from Westchester Journal Constitution via Lo-Hud blogs

Yesterday was Mother's Day, and how did we celebrate? Not breakfast in bed, but riding bikes. We didn't even get the offspring involved (I asked him if he wanted to go, and he wasn't really interested. NBD. That's what being 15 is all about.) It's easier to fit 2 bikes on our rack than 3 anyway, so Tim and I headed to Yonkers for Westchester County's "Bike Sundays." Every Sunday in May (except Memorial Day weekend), June, and September, the Bronx River Parkway is closed to traffic from Scarsdale Road in Yonkers to the County Center in White Plains, for about 13 miles round trip. I had never been but thought it sounded good, if a little less eventful than Summer Streets (the program where Park Avenue is shut down from Central Park to the Brooklyn Bridge for three weekends every August.)

Summer Streets is always a great time, but it's crowded and there are crossing guards stopping you every few blocks to let cross-town traffic pass. In addition, there are a ton of activities, vendors, and food stations to distract (but that also necessitate waiting on line for long blocks of time, if that's your thing.) Not so with Bike Sundays. First, there are no stops, and because the highway is nice and wide, you can pick up a considerable amount of speed without a) putting yourself or anyone else in danger, or b) being stopped at random. You do have to look out for wobblers and small kids with trikes and training wheels, but because there's so much space it's not really a problem. There are a handful of roadside stops - at one exit, there was an ice cream truck, and Danny's Cycles had a van set up at the side of a rest stop for small repairs and filling tires - but it's nothing like the festival atmosphere at Summer Streets, which makes it a lot more conducive to riding. The event is advertised as being appropriate for runners, roller bladers, and other pedestrians, but I only saw about 2 runners (out of hundreds of participants for the hour we were there) and the whole event was pretty cycle-centric. I don't think I'd want to run on a big non-shady highway with a lot of bikes whizzing past, anyway.

Because I was on a road bike and Tim was on a mountain bike (and never rides, and for some reason thought it would be a great idea to eat a breakfast of eggs and leftover beans from Mexican takeout before we left) we made the pace pretty easy, but I would sometimes takeoff on the hills (because my bike was better suited on the uphill, and because it's just fun to swoop down a downhill. I came close to 30 mph at one point.) After one of these, I kept looking behind me and never saw him coming up behind me, so finally I pulled over to the side and waited until he came up, looking green. Evidently he lost the eggs and refried beans in the grass on the side of the road. He felt better shortly, so I don't feel bad about mercilessly mocking his fuel choice for the rest of the ride (I do feel bad that he was convinced it was because he is now old and out-of-shape. It wasn't that, sweety. It was the fiber. And your refusal to use all of your gears.)

Because Tim still felt a little woozy, we stopped in the shade at the turnaround point at County Center. In addition to the two dozen or so cyclists taking a break we noticed several groups of women looking busy at big pallets full of cases of water bottles, with signs that said things like "Europe" and "Australia" in English and some kind of Asian characters that we couldn't identify. I thought it was a church group or something, maybe lining up to take buses for a trip of some kind. Then the grassy area was completely overrun by hundreds of people in business dress. Tim, who is both more friendly and less awkward than I, even in a post-yak-state, asked a random man what was going on, and he told us it was a conference for practitioners of Falun Gong. Then he told us his story, of how he was shot in the feet in South Africa while protesting the Chinese government. He took off his shoes, showed us his scars, and asked us to sign a petition, which we did, and asked us to go home and look up his English name, David Liang. I did and this is what I found. Note - first I saw the same interview in something called the Epoch Times, but that was accompanied by a really graphic picture of Mr. Liang's bleeding, wounded feet, so this link is a reprint of the same article without the potentially disturbing images. He told us the doctors said he wouldn't be able to walk again, but through practicing Falun Gong he recovered completely.

Another man wanted to talk to us after Mr. Liang, and in a few minutes the crowd was spilling onto the closed highway, so we decided to move on before it got too hazardous to navigate our bikes through the crowd. Eventually, we made our way back to the beginning, ravenously hungry. We made the questionable (but awesome) decision to head straight to Trader Joe's, where we proceeded to refuel with S'mores graham cracker ice cream sandwiches, and where I unabashedly paraded around through the Westchester housewives with my cycling butt pad and flip flops and stinky sweat smells.  

That was yesterday. Today, I meet Chrissie Wellington! And after that, watch the Rangers in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Final!

Ouch.

So, one of those muscles is hurt enough to make me feel.... concerned. I was running through it, which was actually working alright with ice, until the combination of running-with-dog and running-up-hilly-trail made it worse. Not a lot, not catastrophic, but enough for me to step back and say, "Am I being smart? No, no I'm not." Whatever, I went to a state college, hardly a rocket scientist here.

I booked a package of 5 sessions at City Acupuncture (the price works out to $35 a session... that's a sick price, and this place is so comfy... if you've never received acupuncture before, it's an excellent place to start) and after the first one, well, it doesn't feel much different (though some other stuff I wanted addressed seems good, and the one session was the biggest bliss-out-non-stress 90 minutes I've had in probably years) so now I'm looking into ART while continuing to use my acupuncture package by going in once a week. In the meantime I'm going to experiment with, oh I don't know, how about NOT RUNNING? Yeah.

I would normally not care about taking a layoff, but between the Brooklyn Half (whatever) and the Buffalo Half (more sentimental) I've been feeling like I HAD to get some miles in. Now it's to the point where if I keep doing it I will make it worse and I won't be able to run, so better late than never, I guess. I only feel bad about potentially not being able to run with my sister. She's been working hard and actually training this time and I've been looking forward to running with her. If this clears up I can probably still do it, since her pace is unlikely to be any faster than 13:00 miles and I'm sure there will be numerous walk breaks, but that's not going to happen if I keep running on it right now.

In addition to the acupuncture and the ART, I ordered a few of these guys...

Get your mind out of the gutter.

It's pre-cut kinesio tape so that any state-college-attending idiot can apply it. At $7 a pop I figured it couldn't hurt.

That said, biking doesn't hurt unless I stand up, or pull up too hard on the one leg. That's a plus. Still haven't tried swimming. Dummy. Swimming is probably the best thing ever. Monday, it's on, pool.

In the meantime, check out the best Mother's Day gift I ever got, ever! (It's not actually here yet. This is an Amazon picture, because that's where it is, somewhere in the depths of Amazon land):

Yes, I know Timex is notorious for the inaccurate satellites and all the other issues, but word is all of those issues were fixed with the firmware updates, and if DC Rainmaker says it's okay, then I'm on board. I'm seriously the last GPS holdout in the world. I need waterproofing, and a long battery life (people, I'm close to 4 hours for an olympic tri, over 5 for a marathon. If anyone needs a long battery life it's me, especially if I want to delve into longer distances some uninjured day) but otherwise I'm pretty easy (TWSS). That leaves this guy, or the Garmin 310 or 910. Would I have preferred a 910? YES. But there's no way I'm letting anybody spend $500 on a sports watch for me, especially when I just dropped nearly $200 on acupuncture and other vanity stuff to support my so-called running.

The Timex Global Trainer with the soft heart rate band is only $114 right now on Amazon. That's ridiculous. (Yes, Tim consulted with me about the whole thing, especially when he first asked me about the Forerunner 205 and I gave him my dissertation on water resistant versus waterproof. Yes, I'm this obnoxious in real life). What's great about being so unspoiled by the modern world of running technology is that whatever it does, as wonky as it may be, I will think it's magic! like unicorn farts and glitter!

Happy Mother's Day, whether you mother little people, dogs, cats, goldfish, plants, or glitter farting unicorns.

Strength training is funny.

Yesterday was Day #1 in the "Make That Ass Strong!" campaign. I went to the Y for the first time in.... a while. This was the first time I'd been to my gym in the middle of the day on a workday, and I was not shocked that it was populated exclusively by retirees. A nice little old lady kept approaching me to make sure I understood how to adjust the machines. I have no idea why she thought I needed so much help; maybe I just give off a general air of incompetence? Anyway, I used the ridiculous hip abductor and adductor machines, among other things, and today my ass is sore. Mission accomplished.

Today I ran with my dog, Miko, and used beefier shoes - some of my old Asics Kayanos that I abandoned in favor of the lower profile, lower heel drop Saucony Mirage and Asics DS Trainers. There's still something going on with that leg, but it's not significant, and if anything I'm going to feel it tomorrow. I'm pretty sure it was brought on initially by a combination of too much too soon, poor core / hip strength, and not enough shoe. I think on Monday when I go to see my new BFF Chrissie Wellington, I'll try to get there early, get a gait analysis, and get some new shoes. Something with more support than the Mirage (on which I have about 120 miles and haven't had any problems up until now...) but not a tank like the Kayano. The run was a horrible slog and just wasn't fun. Was it because I didn't eat? Dehydration? Dead legs from the weights yesterday? I don't know but I want it to end now!

In the meantime, I'm contemplating swimming sometime. You know, in the future. Some day. And if the rain holds off, I'll be biking after I get some groceries (such a good little homemaker, I know. BWA HAHAHAHA.)

So, um, I managed to break myself again. Apparently when your average weekly run mileage is less than 20 miles each week, it's not a particularly great idea to start busting out 8 and 10 mile runs every few days. Who knew? Anyway, it's minor and strain-like and at the back of my right knee / migrating around my hamstring, upper calf and quad when it feels like it. At first I thought it was the ITB, but now I don't know what it is, just that ice and rest will probably do the trick. Probably not a big deal, at all, but a good reminder about running basics 101:

1. Ice is your friend
2. Randomly increasing mileage based on past glory and generalized guilt is typically not your friend
3. Strength training will probably yield better results when done more than once a month
4. Overstriding and other 'bad form' faux pas can be improved by (ding ding ding!!!) strength training for your sad, weak core

Damn, I'm glad I have a bike.

Anyway, I still have two half marathons in 2 weeks! Good times! Worst case, I'll walk parts of Brooklyn, assuming this strain thing feels better. (Did I mention I've been thinking about the Philadelphia Marathon lately? That would mean that I have until August to develop my non-existent base, which is clearly a good thing).

Speaking of over-hyped race registrations, NYRR's summer races open at noon today. I think this means the races through September are open, including the August Bronx Half September Bronx 10-miler, which frankly sounds kind of fun and exciting. I have no idea why people are so pissed off about it.* I'll probably sign up for that, maybe one of the shorter summer races, like a 10k or the new 5k at Giants stadium (I don't care, flat 5ks are few and far between around here, and the location is cool because the Jets play there too) the 5th Avenue mile and maybe the 18 mile Tune-up the next day. Maybe even the Queens 10k, just to keep myself in the NYC Half game. Who knows.

Weirdly, this pseudo-injury reminds me why I got involved in multisport: I get injured when I just run. So it seems odd that I have yet to get excited about a triathlon this year. Part of it is that I'm waiting for a substantial check to clear before I register for my 2012 schedule, and none of it seems "real" as opposed to "imaginary" until then. However, I've been thinking about maybe attempting a metric century (62 miles, for you non-cyclists), or even a real century (100 miles), in the summer before I get deep into marathon training and school (I think I can handle school just fine on marathon training, but maybe not so much with triathlon / multiple sport training. I'm going to wait until I'm enrolled and working on it to make that determination). Triathlon might be limited to one or two sprints, especially since I've been neglecting the swim for a long time now (see above - if my race schedule is "imaginary" I don't really feel any pressure to train for it). Now that I'm broken, though, it might be worthwhile to get in the water just for the massage action on my legs. I'm headed to the YMCA gym today anyway, so as long as it's not during high school swim practice (THE WORST TIME TO GO TO THE POOL, EVER) why not? For now, though, I'm off to book some acupuncture and cheap-student-massage.

*Oh, those crazy RWOL kids! Less negative and more informed than the NYRR facebook kids, but only marginally so. I've gotta say my least favorite is room317, who is willing to criticize almost anything for no reason but then gets all defensive when provoked, while martin 100 is just... awesome. Keep doing what you do, bro. I generally stay out of it, but that doesn't mean I'm not still lurking around, laughing at his comments, especially when he says things like "you guys are so weird. running is either fun or it isn't. what does it really matter if a race is 10 or 9 or 13?" LOVE.

You have been added to the list for Chrissie Wellington's book signing at 5:30pm on Monday, May 14th.
Please print off a copy of this confirmation and bring it with you; it will serve as your ticket for the event. Plan on arriving early because we expect there to be a crowd!
This event takes place at the Union Square JackRabbit location (42 West 14th Street, between 5th & 6th Avenues).

Holy crap, I'm going to meet Chrissie Wellington! You can too! This is the link to RSVP. 

She's going to be doing a book signing at Jack Rabbit Sports on 14th Street on May 14 at 5:30 and 7:00 pm. I signed up for 5:30, so if you go, let me know! I also pre-ordered her book, "A Life Without Limits," because marketing works. *Ahem*

 
Did you know my laptop desktop has been a screen shot of her running at Kona last October, all scabby-like, since the day after last year's race? She's such a bad ass. If you don't know already (how do you not know this??? let me put on my fan girl pants, just a minute here) Chrissie has never lost an Iron distance race.  Last year, a couple of weeks before the world championships, she had a bad bike crash that left her covered in road rash, tore a pectoral muscle, and messed up one of her hips, among other things. There was a lot of speculation that she wouldn't start, but she did. She ended up about 10 minutes behind the lead pack coming out of the swim (torn pectoral muscle? I'll still swim 2.4 miles, just a touch slower than usual. TOTAL BAD ASS) Then she climbed on her bike and made a shit-ton of time up, but was still behind Julie Dibens by as much as 20 minutes at one point (but we all know that Julie Dibens is the Chris Lieto of women's triathlon - a stellar bike will set up a run blowup, although Julie was pretty seriously injured, too, and dropped out during the run) among others. On the run, she made all of that up, passed every single woman out there, and broke the run course record. Remember, Mirinda Carfrae had set the record the year before, when Chrissie was out with the flu, and Rinny is a speed demon in racing flats. This whole time, Rinny was behind her, making up the time, and broke Chrissie's new record within minutes of her finish. Still, there wasn't enough ground left for Rinny to catch up, and a very injured, very stiff and messed-up looking Chrissie dominated everyone, AGAIN. LOVE HER.

My 14-year-old-girl-like adulation is just stoked by the fact that during all of this, she just smiles and waves constantly and looks so freaking happy to be out there. I get that when you're working hard you don't always feel like smiling; I don't begrudge the pros who are giving everything to their effort and not exactly interacting with the crowd while they do so. However, that's what makes Chrissie even better - she's dominating everybody and has a big-ass grin on while she does it. I know a few people who had her personally give them their medals at Timberman, and now she's taking a year off for charity (also, she's not one of those "raising awareness" types. She actually goes to the places and does actual... things.)

SO, I'm going to meet her in 2 weeks and we're going to be BFF's forever. Who's with me?  

Also, Scott Jurek and Chris MacDougall are supposed to be here on June 5, but I don't care about that. CHRISSIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!

I'm working on becoming a social runner. Last Friday I met up with Tracy (who knows every runner in NYC, Chicago, and apparently Egypt) and Tara and ran in Van Cortlandt Park, and then I ran into a former co-worker on the NYRR facebook page and made tentative plans with her. There may be 10 miles run, which is good because I haven't seen double digits since.... 2011? And I have 2 halfs at the end of the month. Yes. Moving right along... nothing to see here!

One of the fantastic things about FUnemployment is the flexibility. On the days when I manage to be productive and do things, the things aspect is virtually unlimited (except as pertains to that other element of FUnemployment, the "Brokeassedness.") I decided Monday would be my long run day, because who doesn't like to see their log all full of milesy goodness on the first day of the training week? Since "long" means "9 miles" these days, I set out to do that, and accordingly I filled my bottle with scoops of that weird powdered Gu Brew and gathered myself. Unfortunately I gathered my "self" but evidently not my "keys" and walked toward the door while thinking, "I feel like I'm forgetting something, but no, I have my keys and some cash, so I'm good!" Of course it was at the second that I slammed my door shut that I realized I did not in fact have my keys and let out a mental "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu......."

Boo.

Mental inventory commenced: can I call Tim? No, my phone is locked inside. Can I get the neighbors to let me crawl through their window and use the fire escape to break in? Yes, but no, because our fire escape window was closed and the metal gate was locked over it. IS THERE ANYTHING AT ALL THAT I CAN DO ABOUT THIS? No. Fortunately, it was about 11:30 am, and I knew Tim was scheduled to come home early - how early? Who knew? and at worst I would have to wait until 4:00 or so when Kiernan got home from school. So I decided to run as far as possible to kill as much time as possible.

"Far as possible" wound up being about 8.5 miles because I don't run enough. I was also kind of obsessing about the lock situation, and how was I going to eat? And rehydrate? And what if I had to smell like homeless man all day?  Would they kick me out of the diner on the corner? What about the Burger King? I had used a 9 mile out and back route with a little tail into Pelham Bay Park to use the bathrooms and refill my water bottle, but on the way back I started fixating on Mr. Softee (hey, that's not Paleo!) and with the knowledge that there would be at least one ice cream truck in the park by the track, I headed that way. Fortunately I had the foresight to bring some cash (which I never do) if not my keys, so at the very least I could eat. I found a truck in the park (which was not, for the record, Mr. Softee, and from which the very nice ice cream man sold me a very unsatisfying, freezer burned drumstick cone for $2) and walked the mile home. Where Tim was. And he let me in, and pointed and laughed at me.

So I thought I ran farther than I did, and I was really tired, and my legs hurt. And they were wicked sore yesterday, and one leg still is today. And I'm flirting with committing to run 10 over the weekend (what is wrong with me? Do I seriously not have the capacity to learn?) Granted, freezer burned drumstick is probably not the world's best recovery food, and between walking the dog and the walk home from the park I walked probably 3 miles in addition to the 8+ that I ran, so it's not so bad. I will fit in one or possibly 2 shorter, easier runs in between now and the weekend and see how it goes, but these half marathons are CLEARLY not going to be pretty (except maybe the second one, because running with my sister will force the pace to be kind of easy.) It's great that biking weather is back, and if I just started swimming, maybe I could recover a little better... nah, swimming sucks.

Nothing but this:

Lifestyles of the FUNemployed

I have already taunted my former co-workers with texts about my freedom, but I haven't yet upped the ante to sending photos of me having fun in the sunshine while they languish away in the cubicle farm.

****Warning! Rant! Danger!****

Remember when I said I was thinking about signing up for the Bronx duathlon? I never did get around to that, between the job loss and the lack of outdoor bike time, but I was still looking forward to maybe volunteering or maybe heading outside my building to the grassy stretch beside the Hutchinson River Parkway to cheer for the competitors on the bike course. The forecast for Sunday looks pretty dreary - a high in the 40s - so I figured they could use the support out there. This is an old duathlon that's been running on the Hutch for 27 years, and since they've recently been repaving the north bound side, it seemed like a pretty sweet year to participate.

Until now.

I went to Beginner Tri to check out the forum thread related to the race and saw that the Hutch portion had been cancelled! WTF? Then I checked out NY Tri's website and saw this:

NOTE: There have been significant changes in the bike and run courses of this event due to the fact that we are unable to obtain a permit from the New York City Police Department to hold the biking segment on the Hutchinson River Parkway as we have done for the past 27 years! So much for the term "Grandfathered in"!

April 13, 2012: The NEW YORK TRIATHLON CLUB (NYTC) has been notified by the Office of the Mayor of New York City, that we have been assesssed a fee for traffic control of $40,000 in order to receive a permit to hold this event. This notification comes only two weeks prior to the event and after holding the event for the past 27 years without having to pay for these costs in the past.

Poorly played, NYC government! The bike course is now 7 2.2 mile loops, presumably around the Orchard Beach parking lot. LAME. Then I looked at the whole race schedule. The Queens Duathlon is supposed to take place at Alley Pond Park on May 13. But it's been cancelled.

28th Annual 
QUEENS DUATHLON
Sunday, May 13, 2012

The event has been cancelled for 2012!

April 19, 2012: The NEW YORK TRIATHLON CLUB (NYTC) has been notified by the Office of the Mayor of New York City, that we have been assessed a fee for traffic control of $40,000 in order to receive a permit to hold this event. This notification comes only three weeks prior to the event and after holding the event for the past 27 years without paying for Police costs in the past.

OK, so the city has vastly increased fees for lots of events, not just NYTC. The local running community dropped its collective jaw at the price increase for the New York City Marathon, among other races, and NYRR attributed the steep rise to the city charging them higher fees without disclosing (to my knowledge) the actual number. But it appears that these two comparatively itty-bitty races merited $40,000 apiece, so I imagine the NYCM cost was exponentially higher.

While I'm generally pretty liberal, politically, I understand the need for government accountability and fiscal responsibility. I'm still a fan of Mike Bloomberg because of that, even though I don't agree with him on everything. I worked for the city government for almost 8 years and saw firsthand how much budget gets drained into petty, fighting-for-the-scraps bullshit without tackling practical, relevant issues. The jabs about government waste and incompetence are purely reality based, not just the construct of some big-government hating Tea Bag. I worked in offices where it was the norm for the heat to be cranked up past 80 degrees and for people to run fans, air conditioning, and open windows to alleviate it. Two agencies ago, my bosses used to go nuts trying to get people to agree to safeguard city vehicles by commuting in them every day and parking in their home neighborhoods, and when they couldn't get enough people to do it they freaked out because the agency would lose the vehicle (because they didn't need it. Ummm...) At my last agency, they had multi-month-long periods of "mandatory overtime" when the fiscal year was closing, because we had to use up the overtime or we wouldn't be budgeted for it the following year (again, BECAUSE WE DIDN'T NEED IT.) Just from the microcosm of what I saw, city government is rife with mis-or-no-communication and a blind reliance on protocol when it's convenient. ( I don't know the whole story, but I have no doubt that whatever city agency was responsible for the permit process for these races only gave NYCT 2 weeks notice about the fee change. That's how the city government rolls.) That said, I appreciate how NYC is striving to balance costs and account for expenditures. But is this really the way to do it?

Let's look at some of the costs associated with the race (albeit in an incredibly unscientific manner). Hypothetically, we could say that it takes 30 cops to shut down the appropriate lanes of the Hutch, secure Orchard Beach, and keep the participants safe. The race start was 8 am, so let's say they had to start at 6 and finished at noon. This is extremely generous and unrealistic, especially because in this race in particular NYTC did not allow their usual "fat tire" division (mountain bikes, cruisers, and the like) out of concern for the timing of the closure of the Hutch, and there were strict time cutoffs regarding time spent on the bike course - meaning there's no way it would ever take until noon, more like 10:00. That's 30 cops for 6 hours each, totaling 180 hours. Let's throw another extraordinarily generous figure out there and say that every one of those cops was getting paid $100 an hour. Again, totally unlikely because a lot of these guys would be rookies, and according to the NYPD's statistics officers with 1.5 years tenure get paid $48,173 annually - which is around $25 per hour.

But, let's give them $100 anyway. That still only totals $18,000. So why is a permit more than twice that?

The Bronx in particular suffers from a 28% obesity rate (as opposed to its southern and northern neighbors, New York and Westchester counties, which look pretty healthy at 15% and 17%, respectively). There's pollution, huge swaths of food desert (the phenomenon wherein residents of a neighborhood have little or no access to plentiful and affordable fresh produce and other healthful foods as opposed to fast food and processed grocery items) and kids who get little or no physical activity and suffer from some of the highest rates of asthma and adult onset diabetes in the country.

DON'T WE WANT TO KEEP PHYSICAL PURSUITS AND EVENTS LIKE RACES VIABLE AND ACCESSIBLE IN THIS CITY?

I'm not saying the Bronx Duathlon was about to change the life of some underprivileged child making his way through the mean streets of the South Bronx or Morrisania, because I realize that's ridiculous, especially given that the course of this particular event doesn't exactly meander through any of the rougher sections of the borough. Even if it did, it would be more of an anomaly, and who's going to go out and buy a $4000 carbon framed tri-bike, like some of the leaders will be sporting? Nobody. However, I am arguing that, in light of the rampant health problems evident in the outer boroughs of New York, it would be in the government's interest to encourage interest and participation in physical activity by making it more visible, so people who might not have considered participating can see a neighbor or some other unlikely suspect in the mix (raises hand! look at me, the fat lady on the bike! If I can do it, you can too...) and think that they have a shot as well. Events like the Tour De Bronx in October are touted as ways to get the borough active, notably, for free; is the city going to charge them $40,000 too? Because of this unannounced, arbitrary, and seemingly exorbitant fee, there's one less opportunity for a positive influence in Queens, and a far less visible one (unless the neighborhood kids are all amassing at the Orchard beach parking lot on Sunday morning... oh wait, they're not) in the Bronx. How much is the city spending on healthcare? Education about nutrition? Smoking? Those disgusting subway ads with the fat pouring out of soda bottles? Ads on the subway... for the subway? (I really don't understand advertising a service to a captive audience that said captive audience is already using). How much funding is allocated for agencies that do nothing?  For MTA bus drivers who are on call but get paid time and a half? For rubber room teachers? For the outside contractors who produced Citytime, the single biggest fraud against a municipal or state government in history? And they want to run an innocuous little race out of existence for a few hours of NYPD overtime?

Hey there! Everything is good here, but apparently not so good that I have anything to say about it. Training is happening. Productivity in general is happening. But none of it really rates beyond a "blah" or possibly a "meh" even though I'm perfectly happy with the outcome on both counts.

Although I'm getting out the door most days, I'm not really pumped up about racing. I'm registered for 2 back to back half marathons in May, but nothing else. No multisport (that's coming, eventually, but I'm trying to figure out how to fit long-weekend camping into it). And I officially missed the NYCM registration deadline yesterday. I wasn't willing to part with more than $200 for a road race, but I still think I want to run ING Hartford in October (for less than half the fee, I might add. I'm not cheap, just realistic.) Besides, the real fun of NYCM is cheering and watching the elites, which you miss if you're actually racing.

In addition to all of the other *exciting news* up in here, I finally found that card that helps me download my (crappy) cell phone photos to my laptop. I know, you're welcome. So now instead of trying to produce any kind of meaningful content (like I did that anyway) I can just show you pictures, some of which are really, really old.(FYI, this is why I'm not a professional stay at home blogger. I don't take nearly enough pictures of oatmeal and green smoothies. I'll be sure to get right on that.)

Other bits and pieces:

• I'm thinking about going paleo, but in phases. I'm trying to drop dairy this week. The half-pint of Ben & Jerry's in the freezer is probably doomed, you know, to get the bad stuff out of the house. Yeah, that. I should probably just tell Kiernan to eat it. That kid burns through anything.
• I keep thinking about long course triathlon - half and full iron distances - but I'm doing barely enough training for a sprint or olympic and not swimming at all.
• Fake summer ended and now it's cold, and wet.
• Did I mention I have 2 half marathons at the end of May? My long run is barely past 8 miles. Boo. Guess they're going to be fun runs. I'm surprisingly fine with that.
• Why am I so lazy? WHY?
• I am ridiculously more productive when my family is gone. I have no idea why. Tim started his new job this week, Kiernan's break ended last week, and suddenly I am a MACHINE.
• Although I'm doing no swimming (see above,) I'm still a member of my YMCA. I'm not lifting weights or going to classes, either. Maybe this should become part of my "my family is gone and I am a machine now" routine, not to mention my "don't throw money in the toilet" clause. You think?
• Possible summer goals: metric century ride, Smith Point sprint on August 5, Riverhead Rocks olympic on July 28, Mossman olympic on August 26. 
• Among the reasons I'm thinking about paleo: I think I have a mild case of seborrheic dermatitis, and one of the things that's supposed to help is less sugar. Also, I'm fat. Which wasn't a secret, exactly, but I noticed it a little more after I transferred all of those pictures.
• Hey! Speaking of which, USAT is changing the weights for Athenas (was 150, now 165) and Clydesdales (was 200, now 220), and I'm still in NO danger of dropping out of the category unintentionally. This means all the tall, fit Athenas are out. HARDWARE FOR ME!
• My thinking on the new classifications? And women who don't want anyone to know they weigh more than 165 pounds? It's not a secret, sweetie. We can tell. I don't care whether you choose age group or Athena class - that's such a personal call - but I race it because I have a much better chance of placing with the Athenas than in my age group. If you don't, I don't care. But don't say it's because you don't want to reveal your weight. Your tri suit already did that. Also, how fun is it to beat some skinny waif with an "A" on your calf? I love that.

This is one of the few photos I took of the black eye incident. It got a lot darker the next day. See my sad face? SAD.

This is one of the bruises I gave myself last week the first time I tried clipless pedals. Why is the biggest bruise on my upper arm, you ask? I don't know. I think I was trying to hold myself up on a guard rail mid-fall. I wish this had happened at the same time as the black eye. Then I'd really be hardcore.

Me, crying about going out to run on the one day we had snow this year. Boo-effing-hoo.

In contrast, Orchard Beach last Saturday on a bike ride. Excessively summery.

Some deer I saw on Hunter Island last fall, on another bike ride. You can JUST make them out if you know what to look for. There are 3 of them. This is in the Bronx, by the way. Who says we don't have nature?

My mom, sister and I after Tri Dunkirk last summer.

I finally made it outside on my bike today!

*GASP*

So, this was supposed to happen yesterday, but when I finally FINALLY got that stupid tire figured out, and filled it with air, all of the air immediately wooshed back out because one of us ( no fewer than 3 people fought that tire) pinched the tube and made 2 nice holes that made me just give up for yesterday. Then I went to patch them today, and they seemed OK, so I put the tube back in and pumped it up and in the next 10 minutes it was flat again. So I took that one out and put in a fresh one (the patched one, BTW, is currently hanging on my computer chair, full, and hasn't let the air out again. WHAT?) and the good news there is not only did it hold the air, but I was finally able to get the tire on the rim myself (maybe it loosened up a little after the 15 times I took it on and off this weekend).

Not only was this my first time outside this year, but it was my first adventure with clipless pedals, and DAMN! Those sons of bitches are SCARY! I fell over twice in the first 400 meters of the ride (I made Tim come with me on his mountain bike, which is great because I wouldn't even have made it to the bike path otherwise) but then at some point I figured out that you have to unclip both feet, not just the one you think you're going to lean on, and it started to come together. Naturally, both falls were glaringly public, right in front of a pedestrian, and then some transportation guys doing road work. NICE. I am clearly always graceful. Tim's got another week before he starts his new job and this is my opportunity to force him to get outside and be my bike bodyguard until I get this figured out. I estimate that we'll get out there twice more this week.... we did about 13 miles today between Orchard Beach and winding around some of the neighborhood streets and Pelham Bay Park. It was sweet, but my hands feel weird and chafed and need to HTFU. It'll come along.

That, and I started tracking my food on Livestrong again because I've gained 5 pounds since I left my job (granted, some of that is potato chip related water retention, but still. That's ridiculous.) So obviously in a few weeks I'm going to be a svelte cycling goddess. Summer of Duffy! LOLS.* I also dyed my hair. I'm in my mid to late 30's and I have lots and lots of premature gray, bordering on white, and I finally decided that I was tired of looking 50 (not that there's anything wrong with that; I'm just not 50) and that it was not in fact hip and edgy to ignore the anti-gray zeitgeist. Actually, that is hip and edgy, especially since dying one's hair gray is now a thing, but I was over it and wanted a change. This was unexpected, but I really like it. Summer of Duffy vanity! It's a good time, since I don't see anybody on everyday basis except my family (i.e., co-workers) and I kind of feared being perceived as a wacked out old person when I started school this fall. I don't have a deeper analysis than that; it's shallow but I don't care, and I'm happy about it. In the meantime, I have more important things to worry about, like not dying (the death kind, not the pigment kind) the next time I try to stop on my bike.

*sarcasm

Back to your regularly scheduled, positive, no whine programming.

I've been fighting with my bike since yesterday. It seems she doesn't want to go back outside, but it's supposed to be 70 degrees today and 80 degrees tomorrow, so we're having a little sit-down based on cooperation and letting me replace her old tires. She doesn't seem ready for change, I guess. Or to let me get the second half of the Vittoria tires I bought on to the back wheel. Stupid bike.

On a side note, last night when I was working on getting the front tire on, I had succeeded with one half of the bead but was struggling with the second. Tim took one look at it, asked if he could help, then grabbed the tire lever and ran it around the wheel and had the whole thing in place in about 10 seconds. He doesn't ride bikes more than twice a year. He's never changed a bicycle flat. When asked how he knew to do that, he responded, "I'm a guy."

Related: the door knob in our bedroom has been loose for a couple of weeks, but we hadn't gotten around to tightening it or asking the super to come do anything about it (honestly, I feel bad for the guy. He's ridiculously busy.) When Tim left for work yesterday morning, he inadvertently locked me in to the bedroom, since the inside portion of the knob was too loose to turn. After a few minutes I figured it out, but I asked Kiernan to tighten it up before he went out to skateboard (he's on Spring break). In what became an epic adventure, he removed the entire doorknob and latch apparatus, discovered some bizzaro relics from the 1940's inside the slot where the latch goes (we live in an old building; there was a lock pick and at least 7 wheat pennies dated 1945 in there) disassembled the entire thing, glued some parts together, lubricated it, put it back together, and re-installed it on the door. He's 15. No one taught him how to do this. I would never even imagine attempting such a thing. Is this really just a dude thing? Why do I not also know how to do this, intuitively, with no training? Discuss.

OH, and more importantly, I"m back. Yesterday, first thing, I ran 5 miles. I wish I could say I did a ton of more productive things with the rest of my day, but at least there's that. And this morning I've already walked the dog for an hour, and when I figure out the damned back tire I'm heading out for an outdoor ride, provided I don't slip down all 5 flights of my walk-up wearing socks instead of my cycling shoes like BDD told me to.